Can I take a message?

Hello? ……

I’m sorry, he can’t come to the phone right now …… What? No, no. He’s fine …… Yes …… I know he’s been acting up ……Do I know why he’s sad? No, I don’t …… Cutting himself again? ..… I even heard he tried to hang himself. But I’m sure he’s okay. Probably just doing it for attention ..… Has he eaten? No. I haven’t seen him eat for a while. Maybe he’s on some sort of diet?……Yes, I understand your concern. But look, he was happy like 5 minutes ago. I don’t see why he’d just start saying how sad he- ……. Yes? …… You agree? I’ve been saying the same thing. His mood swings are probably just for attention. You know him, always playing the victim …… He’ll be jumpy and laughing in an hour or so. Such a faker ….… Sorry? Who am I? I’m the person in charge. Because he’s not here right now. I make sure he’s seldom here …… It’s pretty fun really. See, I can get away with so much. I can make him lose it or take away his will to live or rob him of his ability to concentrate or make him the happiest person on earth. And nobody ever knows it’s me. They all talk to him. “You’ll be fine”. “You’ll get over this.” Like I’m going somewhere. It’s hilarious …… My name? Call me whatever you want. Chemical imbalance in his brain, attention seeking, some weird disorder. It doesn’t matter to me. Can I take a message?

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If you’re having a rough time

You think you’re not good enough. Like a dried up thistle in a rose patch.
You’re convinced everyone is better than you. That you could never hold a candle to the “stars” that burn so brightly around you.
You say there’s no one that understands you.
You’re sure the world turned its back on you and there’s nothing anyone can do to stop you hurting.
If a thistle you are, I will tend to you. You’re good enough for me.
Stars they may be, but you are as magnificent as a sunrise, sunset and everything in between.
And let the world turn its back on you. Then only I can see just how precious you are.

Even if

Even if I am imprisoned in Tarturus.
Even if the heavens shut me out of their opalescent golden gates.       
If the seas in all their rage burst forth into the land to seek my life,,    
If the souls of Hades are released like bloodthirsty hounds to hunt me ,,    
and the gods themselves were to wage war against me .             If the elements declared war and the clouds spat heavenly fire.          If my soul were chained to  the pillars of the earth and burdened with its weight.     
If the earth were to break all around us, and  chasms ran far into the depths.    
if the pillars supporting the sky were ground to dust in front of me.    
if the stars rained down in a celestial storm .
If the moon were blotted out in blood and the sun lost its light for all eternity. 
If death itself were my greatest adversary.
As I hold your hand,gaze into the heavenly pools that are your eyesand tell you how much I love you,
With you by my side, even thenI am at peace.

To Recap

Hello! Hello! Hello!
It’s been a while…. (Not that any of you noticed I’ve been gone since last year)
But that’s on me…
I honestly only write when the crap hits the fan and I’m not totally proud of this…this new year I promise to change(insert sarcastic laugh)
Highlights of my last year ?
To recap: I got married twice… I bought a new bag…I got a tattoo…I turned 18…my shrink killed himself and blamed me in the note(I’m kidding…please don’t unfollow me)
Admittedly it wasn’t my best….but this year will be different….I will(may or may not) change for the better…

In an alternate universe.

There’s so much going wrong with my life and who better to listen to me than the twenty something or so followers I have (and mum said I’d never be popular…HA!)
Anyways…here goes.

This girl I have a squish for had the nerve to boyfriend zone me…ME!

image
For those of you with no idea what a squish is

I mean why on God’s green earth would you do that?? I’m not boyfriend material at all. Seriously…

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Sums me up pretty well.
Now I have to find feelings for her, hold her hand and be happy….
I think I’m gonna puke…

Lover’s Final Request

Eternity is naught but
temporary
wishful thinking
all creation eventually will
fade
and its beauty be lost,
washed away by the river that is time.

Yet here you stand
as beautiful as the day I first met you.
In the shadows you have been my light,
in the night my moonlight.
You are my love, my life, my purpose.
So I make a request.
I have not much strength
and even less time.

Just once more,
let your eyes be my light
before the sun dims out.
One final time,
Let your embrace warm me
before the
cold sets in.
before I am lost,
sing to me while I can still hear your voice.
While still my heart beats,
let it beat in tune
to the song that is our life,
our love.
And as I breathe one last
time
know I breathe only for you
as I always have. 

jé mâis vu.

I am aware of its meaning
I recognize the purpose of the words
that constantly go back and forth
yet its experience,
its feel,
is anew, foreignalien to my senses
yet every time it is said,
the feel is as my first.
I comprehend the purpose,
the benevolent intentbehind the words you whispereach passing moment
each dawn and dusk.
I know its meaning,
recognize its purposebut is effectis a changing constanteach time you say
“I love you”it is unfathomableby any term other than
jé mâis vu.